A Revival of My Soul and a Deep Apology

 

Hello dear hearts. This is a bit of a somber note I’ve been called to share publicly here. I will do my best to be simple and kind.

In the work that you have come to know me to do — both personally that I have taken you on the journey with me behind the scenes and professionally, as a self pronounced transformational life coach, speaker, writer, and author — I’ve been after my own personal freedom, high vibration, and oneness with love. I’ve been after my own pure self expression and helping clients, followers, and friends with theirs. I’ve been after an individual pursuit of greatness and helping others do the same, in their own custom-life-version. I’ve been saying this whole time that I am here to live and tell about living awakened, brave, and true. I have believed in oneness with love being my own answer to this pursuit mixed with my custom version of spirituality (and I’ve believed I have been operating as a “spiritual Christian” this whole time). Again, I will say, lovingly but with urgency, no wonder I have been confused, depleted, anxious, and depressed, searching for the next thing and continuing to “manifest” the reality of my dreams.

I realize now I haven’t been operating from a place of surrender to anything other than my own dream-like desires. I have believed good vibes, an empowering astrological chart, working on my chakras, and having a heightened intuition since childhood have got me here and will carry me and all of you forward into oneness and wholeness. If you are reading or hearing about this and feel caught off guard that this is you too, I want to boldly say, we are not doing anything that is not already living and breathing in our culture and considered NORMAL. In fact, it’s thought of as being healthy in a lot of ways. Just check out your local Whole Foods or health foods store. It’s also CELEBRATED. It’s been modeled so well for us that we don’t even realize the venom we have picked up and tap into our veins every day. My heart just breaks. I want you to know that I love you, and I am not leaving you. If anything, I am being called to STAND for you.

Please forgive me, Lord, I have been blind but now I see.

It’s not until recent days that I understand I have been partaking in something I didn’t fully realize I that I had chosen, selected, and swallowed for the past nearly 10 years and even before that. Do you know how sickly this feels? It’s like breathing an undetectable poison for years. Even packaging and selling it. Standing behind, beside, and in front of it.

I want to deeply apologize to my friends, family, and followers.

I am so sorry that I have been a part of this.

I have removed many pages of my website, my book is no longer for sale, and I will not be supporting the practices I have openly shared and discussed online and at live events.

While this feels like a very private, tender, and personally embarrassing time, I will not back down from sharing here on my blog and on my social media when I feel called to. I am also leaving all of my past social media posts and videos up. I wish I had more words than this, but this is all I have for now. Here’s what I do know: I am strong through Christ. I am brave through Christ. Jesus loves you. He has pursued me so privately and fiercely — He has truly called me back, and I pray and know he is moving in the same ways for you.

He replied, "Whether he is a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!" John 9:25

But now, this is what the LORD says-- he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

If you feel confused, abandoned, or betrayed, I want to encourage you to get into the word of the Bible and join me in reading a book that was intended to be read completely (just like most books) instead of cherry picked for personal gain.

Truly only a soul sister in Christ, Rachel.

 
Rachel Camfield