Killing The All or Nothing Mindset
Hey friend, long time. (At least it seems that way to me.) How are you?
I’m guessing your days are getting a little longer like mine as we find ourselves in the back half of June. What else has been going on in your world? I can imagine probably a lot. From ah-ha's to maybe a few bummers - time has a way of keeping things rolling, doesn't it?
I peeked back, and my last blog post was April 6th. I love that little marker and placeholder. Maybe you thought I went quiet. Or maybe I quit. Or just got busy. Or took a break. Or maybe, you didn't notice where I went (that's alright with me, too :). The truth is, for the first time since starting my business, I couldn't keep doing things like I had been doing them.
Has this happened to you? Call it growth or tides changing, but you look back and think, "How did I ever do it like that?"
Brian and I found out we were pregnant on the morning of April 2nd. We got up really early and decided to go buy a test. It was both fun and nerve-wracking! For now, this post is not going to be about details or our pregnancy journey (maybe down the road) but for the last 2 and half months, I have been out for the count while also experiencing some of my lowest lows.
I'd like to back up and a little sheepishly say that I didn't think I would be physically, emotionally, or energetically affected by getting pregnant or going through the first trimester. I've heard a lot of amazing stories and just thought I would be someone who would just feel great! With vitality and laser beams of sparkles coming out of my eyes! (I can feel a jolly belly laugh coming from Mama Nature as I type :)
The way I see it? Becoming a mother is the next layer of my evolution and transformation. I desire this, so I am embracing the twisty-turny-winding nature of things, but that doesn't mean it will all be "easy".
In late afternoons, as I woke up from my second or third nap on the couch for the day, I found myself questioning everything I thought I knew.
- I thought my words and my content and my creations mattered. (Suddenly it was just about getting through the day!)
- I thought I was an inspiring person and had that in me from the moment I woke up. (Turns out inspiration takes quite a bit of energy.)
- I thought I was just hitting my stride after being in business a little over a year.
- I thought I could perform on command like the best poodle in the show.
- I thought my worth and path of trajectory was everything you could see me doing.
That's the thing about being pregnant - with a baby, an idea, a new mission... you can't see anything from the outside, especially in the beginning.
All of my gardening analogies truly started coming to life - from weeding the beds, to tilling the soil, to adding nutrients and tending only to the dirt before planting seeds. I could keep going, but you get the earthy picture.
I was in the thick of it and being invited to simply rest in everything I had so intently created. So that's what I did. After a couple weeks of the kind of ruggedness that only you can put yourself through, I pulled the e-brake, unbuckled myself out from behind the wheel, and took a big step back. It felt amazing.
Killing the glorified all or nothing mindset is where this story truly begins. It's been painful releasing the power of this beast because, let's face it, it gets a lot of ish done. The pressure I would normally allow to build would be the thing that would make me act. I was operating out of a a decades-old method I had created for forcing my own hand. And now? I could do no such thing.
What unfolded were tiny brushstrokes. An embrace of simplicity. A value for the basics. Even just everyday bodily functions that I never had stopped to hold close and peer at with wonder, I suddenly appreciated greatly. Slowing down. It sounds nice until you're staring at it with a list of prerogatives.
So where do I go from here? I'm learning to take bites. Sometimes it's a bigger/give-me-half-of-the-sandwich one, other times it's just a nibble. But my new edge and understanding is this: the bigger bite isn't a better one. One small chip away at something counts just as much.
These days, I'm not only feeling physically better (Hi second trimester, I love you.) I'm feeling... Free. Unleashed. Like I never have before. What's important is so clear and the vision I now have in my business feels like I just finished working with a top coach.
Here are some of my divine downloads + ah-ha's:
- Contraction, expansion, allowing all. (Mantra)
- Asking for help and being honest with those closest to me.
- Celebrating the tiny just as much as the grand.
- Keeping my eyes on my own lane and not energetically racing with the person heading in the same direction. Instead, cheering them on and meaning it.
- Being cool with taking things slow.
- The recognition that all seasons are good and important ones.
What's coming up for you? I'd love to know.