Picking up the pen.
Why is it I can make out something to be so big in my head?
I can strategize. I can stress. I can play it out every single step of the way.
But I don't begin. I delay. I extend my runway — again and again and again.
Sometimes I realize, thank goodness, I am in the thick of doing this, and I stop. And I get busy doing instead of thinking about it all. That's where I am right now, y'all.
Here's where I am
I am walking through the joy and the fog and the heartbreak and the thrill of being a first-time mom to a 7-month-old son, an imperfect wife of almost 4 years, a creative entrepreneur, coach, and speaker of 2.5 years, a writer for around 23 years, and a human for almost 30 years.
- I am working from home.
- I am improving and deepening my marriage.
- I am writing my first book.
- I am building and growing my businesses.
- I am pouring into my team.
- I am leading myself first.
- I am being humbled.
Shattered. Excited. Distracted. Exhausted.
And in the middle of it all, I know my days are numbered. Not to be bleak, but I just know they are. 100% human here, not robot.
So here's what I'm choosing
I'm choosing to DO as something pops into my head instead of planning for it and around all of the other things. So far it's looking like reaching out to someone when I think of them. Loving and growing my faith while my hands are washing dishes in the sink. Going to bed early to just cuddle instead of doing one more thing around the house. Being so raw with where I am with my friends so that they can love me exactly in that spot instead of loving my mask.
I'm picking up the pen and committing to myself to just write every day. It can be a little or a lot. And I'm going to put it here on the blog (and on the podcast) mainly for my own purposes, but also because I am so tethered to the part of the heart that is buoyed by being on the journey with another. This could bring a tear to my eye. Actually, it is right now.
I love this life so much. I love my life with my whole being. I'm starting to see as complicated as it all can seem, the seeds are simple: To love my neighbor as myself. To take care of my temple. To live in the grace. To exhale into the Trust.
Thanks for being on this leg of my life with me, friend. I have nothing to hide, and I'm just so darn honored to be exactly here. I love you as I am loving myself.
Here's to that. I'll see you on the blog and on the podcast tomorrow.