When your heart only knows how to be on your sleeve.
When I was younger I wished I didn't care as much. I wished I could do "effortless" (whatever that means!) I carried this unspoken understanding that if things didn't appear to bother me or ruffle my feathers, I was stronger for it. I was cool as a cuke. I was that kind of just out-of-reach untouchable. But that wasn't me.
In high school I would cry in class when I became frustrated with myself for not figuring out what was going on in math class fast enough. I would cry openly when I got angry. My emotions just spilled out of me, and my tears were not always sad ones. (There are many flavors and shades of tears, aren't there?)
Have you ever felt misunderstood because of your emotions or wished you could keep them to yourself? I had a fantasy of showing the world, and my classmates, only my "good" emotions, believing that good emotions equalled the acceptable ones.
When did we learn that to be strong in the world, we had to quit our emotions before they outed us?
This week has been interesting for me. It's been filled to the brim with amazing-ness, really exciting moments, and beautiful, green growth. But it's also been harder for me to step away from my desk, quit work for the day, and relax and enjoy what and who's around me.
If it weren't for my emotions, I would be numb right now - swept away in the busy-ness because doing more feels safe to me.
Sensitive. Emotional. Touchy.
Wise. Intuitive. Aware.
This week I had plans to film a new Rachel Camfield Show episode with my husband. We were going to share the story behind our newest heartthrob, our online home decor and loving details shop, Rosemary & Roots.
I wanted to put even more goodness out into the world through Instagram and my Facebook page.
I wanted to ask a new friend to coffee. I wanted to call another.
The flip side of this is the lingering truth that I've done enough.
That I'm doing enough. That my heart isn't here to betray or trick me. That no one is waiting to call me out. That what I've created counts so much that if I stopped blogging, vlogging, Instagram-live-ing, or Snapchatting for the rest of this year, there would be so much inspiration on the page to feed anyone who was hungry for more.
I stopped everything and painted and napped yesterday. I lay on the couch. I made dinner and grocery shopped. And I remembered how wonderful wearing my heart on my sleeve is.